Tuesday, January 15, 2013

The Beginning

I'm not sure when exactly I lost myself.  I think over time, being a mom and professional, I put my children, family, and job ahead of myself for a long time.  With both of my kids being teens now, I have more time to myself and it's time to focus inward.  I've struggled both physically and emotionally quite a bit in the last five years.  I'm coming to the realization that I need to make some changes in my life in lots of areas.  God has given me one life and I need to experience it more than I am currently.  I can't bank these days—I can't get them back once they're gone.  It suddenly occurred to me the other day that rediscovering who I am—spiritually, emotionally, physically—could be a fun, albeit ambitious—undertaking.  So why not make it an adventure?

I know I'm a good person.  I love my family, have good morals, and am generally nice all around (I think, anyway!).  But I want to get back on track for a healthier me.  I've started therapy to help me handle the emotional side of things and release a lot of the stress I've been under.  Part of the purpose of this blog is to help me stay on track and have a place to clarify my thoughts.  Emotionally, I want to move into a happier place.  I want to feel more emotionally stable.  I want to heal.

Physically, I want to take better care of myself, both in appearance as well as internally.  One of my goals is to get better control of my diabetes.  I really want stable blood sugar levels.  That will help tremendously regarding my energy and overall feeling of health.  Fatigue has been a big problem for me lately and I do believe part of that is due to my blood sugar being elevated.  That, in combination with fibromyalgia and depression, has worn me out quite a bit.

A huge realization for me has been that I have to lose weight if I'm ever going to be able to heal my body to some extent, and to live my life...the life I want to live.  I want to be able to work again.  I want to travel.  I want to experience all that life has to offer, to be cliche!  Fatigue has held me back for quite a while and I'm ready to move forward.

I actually credit all of this sudden awareness to God.  I found myself starting to go to church again in the last two months.  Interestingly enough, the more I've gone the more I feel comforted and enjoy going.  I joined the choir and have gone to two practices so far.  I look forward to it and am starting to feel more connected to God.  That brings about a true peace in my soul.  There is something about the rituals of the church that feels so comforting.  I love my God and know he is holding me through this process.  I want to continue to grow in His light and spread His love through action.  I can't do that when I check out of engaging in my life due to pain, fatigue, or illness.

So onto goals that I want to work on.  Long term goals include:  getting to a healthier weight, better manage my diagnoses, continue to build healthy relationships with my family members and my family unit, and grow my faith.

This week, I want to focus on eating less processed food.  I am going to try to limit my dairy intake as well.  Buying organic when I can, I'm going to look for overall healthier food choices.  Specifically, for this week, I am going to focus on eating real food as much as possible, to walk twice a day (the point being to move), and start reading the book When Christians Get It Wrong.  I am also going to keep a food journal so that I can start figuring out which foods seem to help how I feel.  I am going to leave the house to do SOMETHING every day, even if it's just a short trip somewhere.  I also am going to start Game Night on Thursdays with my daughter, so I know we are spending quality time together at least once a week.

So that's where I'm starting.  I think it will be interesting to find out more about myself!  I want to see what I can do spiritually, emotionally, physically, intellectually.  I want to grow.

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