Saturday, July 6, 2013

#6—Gearing Up for Getting Older

So in roughly twenty minutes I'll be one year older.  Forty four has an interesting ring to it.  However, I'm still in denial about being forty two, so I'm not at all sure how this is going to work.  I think it's so funny how from my own perspective, I don't feel any older than I did ten years ago.  I still like to do a lot of the same things, I still have basically the same philosophies and points of view, and even look pretty much the same, with the exception of a few more wrinkles and gray hairs.

I remember when I turned forty, I went through this very short-lived traumatic period that I had grown older looking overnight.  My skin was dry and dull, my hair was turning gray, and I swear overnight I had developed wrinkles.  I went out and spent thirty bucks on some Oil of Olay, and three days later my skin felt the best it ever had.  I do say I highly recommend their regenerist line.

Ironically, I'm ordering makeup and cleanser from Bare Minerals tomorrow.  I started wearing their makeup a couple of years ago and find it to be absolutely amazing at covering imperfections, especially my rosacea.  The first time I saw my face without its typical deep pink flush, I was shocked.  It's amazing.

At any rate, tomorrow I have plans.  It's been awhile since I've had a birthday with PLANS.  My daughter and I are going to see the Lone Ranger and buy her a swimsuit so we can start swimming at the Y this week.  I have a ton of free offers companies have sent me for my birthday, so we may stop in for ice cream or an italian ice after the movie, or go to breakfast at IHOP or Denny's before.  My family has plans to take me out for seafood tomorrow night and I'm thrilled.  One of my favorite restaurants with great food.  If it were cooler outside I'd want to be somewhere on the beach, but it's going to be hot, so it doesn't matter and so I can go to my favorite restaurant, because it's nowhere near the water.

I have a ton of goals for this next year, for all aspects of my life.  More exercise and healthier eating.  More time spent with my daughter.  Getting back into the workforce.  Continue to heal and gain energy.  One of the reasons I'm writing this blog is to start to slow down and focus on each day, one at a time, instead of huge amounts of time at once.  And hopefully I'll be successful.

Three minutes until my birthday!  Happy Birthday to me!

Thursday, July 4, 2013



When I think of the last 24 hours, that's the first word that comes to mind.  The first full thought that comes to mind is "Gawd, I did not know a body could make a smell like that."

Yep.  I've been sick.  And what a delightful way to share it with the world!

One of my biggest worries going back to work is that I'm going to get sick.  A lot.  I have several chronic illnesses, including fibromyalgia and diabetes, and I tend to catch everything anyway.  For whatever reason, I particularly have a lot of stomach issues and have for the last ten years or so.  I probably will end up going to a gastroenterologist.  I had diagnosed myself with irritable bowel, which can accompany fibromyalgia, but my doctor suggested it might be the medications I was on, so he switched those around.  Voila!  I was magically better nearly overnight.  Until another doctor put me on a new medication which made me sick to my stomach again.  And just as that began to adjust, kaboom!

I don't know what I did to deserve this.

I got so angry and frustrated yesterday when I got sick.  I had planned to take my daughter to buy a swimsuit and possibly out for a treat.  I had also planned to pick up one of my medications.  Instead I ended up doing nothing.  I fell asleep early and woke to an angry teenager wanting clarification on consequences I had given.  That was at nearly eleven p.m., and I was up until almost four a.m.

So today I treated my stomach with some medicine, took a short nap, finally ate something, and am praying I keep it down.  Hopefully that will be the case, and I might even recover in time for fireworks.

One can always hope, anyway.

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Post Four—Introversion

So sometimes I crack myself up.  This time is more of an eye roller type crackup.  I had intended to write every day and already I think it's been like a week since I wrote.  I've THOUGHT about writing lots of times but just haven't.  Too bad thinking doesn't count as doing.

So I was reading something today about introverts that was interesting.  Basically it said that introverts enjoy large periods of time alone.  Sometimes large periods of unstructured time, doing whatever they choose, even if it's nothing.  The author was saying that this kind of time where other people would consider it nothing is something to her.  The reason this hit me so strongly is that over the last three years, since I've been living with my parents again, my mother is convinced I'm "hiding" in my room.  I'll be the first to admit that there have been times—more than I can count or care to even admit to—that I have been depressed and wanted to stay in bed.  But there are also a lot of times that I am just spending unstructured alone time.  Because that's my favorite kind of time to spend.  I prefer to mess around on my laptop and watch reruns of crime dramas.  My mom had me convinced that meant I was a loser who had dropped out of life.  Heh, turns out I'm just an introvert.

The fact I'm an introvert should be no surprise.  On the Meyers-Briggs, I have always tested as being introverted.  I hate large gatherings where I know few people; I've always preferred smaller get togethers with people that I know well.  I have a few close friends that I love dearly, although I have grown in my ability to keep contact with folks I have known for awhile and do enjoy hearing about them.  I do some extroverted activities in teaching—working with and lecturing to college students and adult teachers is NOT an easy task when your idea of a fun time is...well, messing on the laptop and watching crime dramas!  But the important difference, the author pointed out, is we take extroversion on our own terms.  I'm extroverted when I've chosen to be—when I choose to offer a class to parents, or I choose to teach a course in my field.  The majority of my experiences are not ones that I enjoy extroversion.

Holiday parties are such a mix of desires for me.  I want so much to be invited, to attend, to be the belle of the ball.  At the same time, when I attend a party I absolutely freeze up.  I can't think of a thing to say.  I feel as though it's the most awkward situation possible.  When I was younger and had roommates, we would occasionally host a party.  Alcohol made it easier to feel less awkward.  Still, I would prefer the company of a small intimate group of friends.  During my first year of teaching public school, I developed a group exactly like this.  We would go out every Friday afternoon for drinks and occasionally dinner.  I grew to love these people tremendously.  They helped me through a difficult teaching year and were a wonderful support system.

Even now, I go to the movies with one person, go to dinner with one or two people, spend the majority of my time with my family.  Sometimes I do wonder if it means there's something wrong with me.  I guess if it made me unhappy the answer might be yes.  But since it doesn't seem to, I think it makes the answer that I'm an introvert...and enjoy it.